Perfectionism is a double-edged sword that a lot of people struggle with. On one hand, it can motivate you to do your best and deliver top-quality work but on the other hand, it can cause you unnecessary anxiety and greatly diminish your self-esteem, your enjoyment of life and your sense of peace. Putting pressure on yourself to meet unattainable standards (and beat yourself up over anything that doesn’t meet those unrealistic standards) can also lead to immense stress, fear of judgement and worries of inadequacy.
Is this something that sounds familiar to you but you don’t know how to overcome your perfectionism? Then please keep on reading because today’s blogpost is all about managing and overcoming perfectionism.
Tip 1: identify your perfectionistic tendencies
The first step in overcoming perfectionism is to identify your perfectionist thoughts and tendencies. You can do this by taking some time to pause and reflect on your thought patterns around perfectionism. For example, do you have high standards for yourself? Do you compare yourself to others? Do you strive for perfection in all areas of your life?
If it’s possible, I also suggest you write these thoughts down because it will help you to understand them better. Once you have identified your perfectionistic tendencies and you’re aware of how you allow perfectionism to take hold of your life, you’ll be more able to alter your self-talk around this issue.
Tip 2: focus on the positives
When you want everything to be perfect you tend to fixate on the negative parts of your work or yourself. Which makes it even more important to make a conscious effort to also recognize the good. For example, when you’re not quite satisfied with something, challenge yourself to identify three things that you do appreciate.
Tip 3: practice self-confidence
Perfectionists tend to be so focused on their flaws and mistakes that they forget all of the great things about themselves. You can overcome this lack of self-confidence by taking the time to focus on your strengths and accomplishments. For example, you can make a list of things you’re proud of and refer to it when you feel down on yourself. Doing one thing every day that makes you feel good about yourself is also a great way to build your self-confidence. And you don’t have to do big things: it could be as simple as taking a bath or writing in your journal.
Tip 4: don’t compare yourself to others
One of the worst things you can do as a perfectionist is to compare yourself to others. The reason for this? We often tend to compare ourselves to others we perceive as better than us which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. So next time you feel the need to compare yourself to someone: remember that everyone is different and that there is no such thing as a perfect person – we all have our own unique strengths and weaknesses.
Tip 5: allow yourself to make mistakes
Once you allow yourself to make mistakes, you’ll see that it’s not the end of the world when you fail. Try to see mistakes as opportunities to learn, grow and do better. They are necessary to get where you want to be. A great way to help you see this, is taking up a new hobby. You probably won’t be good at it on the first try but instead of trying to be “perfect” at it, focus on enjoying the activity and slowly learning how to get better.
Tip 6: set more reasonable goals
Perfectionists tend to set goals that are unrealistic. They often expect too much from themselves and from others which leads to disappointment, frustration and even anger when those expectations aren’t met. So next time you set a goal for yourself, set one that’s more achievable and use the SMART criteria.
SMART is an acronym that stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound. For example, you can replace the goal “reduce stress” with the SMART and tangible milestone “practice mindfulness three times a week to reduce stress”. Or replace the goal “making time for learning and development” with the SMART goal “read ten new books by the end of the year”.
Tip 7: learn how to receive criticism
Criticism is something that every perfectionist dreads. People dealing with perfectionism are so afraid of being judged that they often try to avoid criticism at all costs. But the truth is that criticism is a part of life. You can’t please everyone all the time, so you will inevitably receive some criticism throughout your life. The key is to learn how to accept criticism constructively. When someone criticizes you, try to see it as an opportunity to learn and grow.
Tip 8: lower the pressure you put on yourself
Remember that the person who pressures you the most is yourself. So be kind to yourself and practice self-acceptance by lowering unrealistic standards you set for yourself. Be proud of yourself for being motivated and doing your best and remember: there’s no such thing as “perfect”.
Tip 9: focus on meaning over perfection
Try to shift your focus on finding meaning in what you do, rather than trying to do it perfectly. If something brings you joy and purpose then it doesn’t matter if it’s not done perfectly. There’s more fulfillment to be had in finding meaning along the way.
Tip 10: see the big picture
Trying to be perfect isn’t easy: your diligence takes a lot of effort and your attention to detail is incredibly time consuming. I’m not saying you should aim for merely adequate but you also have to recognize the opportunity cost and time of your behavior. You can do this by asking yourself questions like “am I using my time wisely?” and “am I being productive?”.
For example, let’s say you have to make a powerpoint presentation for your boss or a client. Once you have your first draft, you could spend an additional five hours making it perfect but is that really a productive use of your time? Will it make a material difference to your boss or client? By literally asking yourself these questions, you’ll experience a mindset shift: you’re going to be less perfect about some things so you can concentrate on what’s important. And in case you still find yourself nitpicking niggling details: remind yourself that just getting it done is also a decent goal.
Tip 11: create a checklist
The pursuit of perfection is a bit like wandering on an aimless journey. You keep walking and walking but you’re not sure that you’re getting any closer to your destination. Creating a checklist for each task can help you stop this fretting about every little detail because you have a list of discrete and measurable goals to follow – and once you’ve ticked off all the items on your list, you’re done.
Tip 12: break the cycle of rumination
Many people who are perfectionists also tend to repetitive mull over a thought or problem without ever coming to a resolution. Identifying your triggers is the first step in breaking this cycle: learn to recognize when you’re ruminating and figure out what sets you off. Find your consistent patterns: where were you, what time of the day was it and who was around? Then think of ways you might steer clear of (or control) those factors.
Tip 13: monitor your progress
Do a weekly review in which you reflect on your progress in moderating your perfectionist tendencies. Try to get some psychological distance and ask yourself the following questions: was there anything I avoided this week due to fear of making mistakes? Were there any instances where my perfectionism was not worth it? Were there any times this week when I took action – even when I felt uncertain – and ended up moving things forward?
Tip 14: slow and steady wins the race
Many recovering perfectionists are rigid with themselves when it comes to progress. They expect to see results immediately and get frustrated when they don’t. But remember: progress takes time. When you put intense pressure on yourself, it only makes things worse. So be patient with yourself and take things one step at a time.
Tip 15: don’t be afraid to seek professional help from a therapist or counsellor
Overcoming perfectionism is a journey. It takes time, effort and patience. But it’s definitely possible to let go of the negative thoughts and behaviors associated with perfectionism and live a happy and fulfilling life. All of the above tips can help you on this journey but if you find yourself still struggling after trying them all, therapy might be a good option to help you reframe your thoughts and give you some extra tools to overcome your perfectionism.
©HolisticHappiness2024
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