In today’s blogpost I want to tell you something about a special form of selfcare: tapping into your inner child. Finding your inner child and reparenting yourself will not only help you regain a sense of joy and wonder but it can also help make it easier to understand your adult experience, heal from pain in your past and handle any future challenges with self-compassion.
We all have an inner child
The concept of the inner child was first introduced by the renowned psychiatrist Carl Jung. It refers to the childlike part of your subconscious mind that has been picking up messages way before it was able to fully process what was going on (mentally and emotionally). It holds emotions, memories and beliefs from the past as well as hopes and dreams for the future.
Essentially, your inner child is the forgiving, excited and free-spirited part of you that still feels and experiences life as a child. Unfortunately your inner child doesn’t just carry the positive aspects of being a child (such as innocence, joy and creativity) but also the wounds of your past. Those wounds might have been caused by physical or emotional abuse or by other damaging childhood experiences such as having been bullied or growing up in a broken family.
Your inner child influences how you think and react as an adult
The pain that is caused by the wounds of your past can sometimes pop up at the most unexpected moments. Maybe a work colleague makes a snarky comment or you have an argument with your partner and suddenly you find yourself acting out of character or having emotions that feel uncontrollable. When this happens, it could be a sign that your inner child is making an appearance and that you’re behaving from that younger part of yourself that was wounded. But just like a 5-year-old isn’t going to be the most skilled in navigating safety concerns and troubleshooting major conflict, the younger part of yourself isn’t the best candidate to command your daily life decisions.
Tapping into your inner child
Your inner child can be behind many of your emotions and it can bring about great healing when properly nurtured. And although inner child work can seem a bit intimidating: the good news is that it’s a lot like selfcare. It’s essentially about becoming your own parent and treating yourself gently, checking in with your thoughts, feelings and needs, and healing any pain you experienced as a child. By doing this you can break free from the wounds of your past and heal your inner child.
Just one more thing before you get started: inner child work can be a very emotional experience, especially if you have a trauma history. If this also applies to you, I definitely recommend you to have a therapist by your side when you’re going to dive into painful and traumatic childhood memories. That way you don’t have to revisit any traumatic events from your childhood by yourself. Your therapist can also help you avoid re-traumatization.
Reparenting yourself
The goal of reparenting your inner child is to care for, give and allow yourself to receive the validation, love and nurturing that you may not have received in the way that you needed it as a child. Here are some ways to get started:
Start a conversation with you inner child (you can choose any age): sometimes all we need to heal is to feel heard and seen so specifically ask your inner child how they’re doing and if there is anything they would like to share with you. Be mindful and listen to what they may have to say to you in response. And in case you’re feeling a bit weird about speaking to your inner child: you can also write a letter to your inner child and give her the opportunity to respond by writing back to you.
Speak kindly to yourself: the messages you hear (and didn’t hear) while growing up can really influence who you become later in life. For instance: maybe your parents placed of lot of emphasis on competition when you were a child which now makes you feel as if you’re never really good enough. Or maybe your parents were emotionally absent when you were a child and you now find yourself gravitating towards emotionally unavailable partners. If you want to heal those wounds of your past, you should speak to yourself with compassion and kindness. Tell yourself the messages you wanted to hear as a child and say nurturing things to your inner child. For example: I love you, I appreciate you, I value you, I’m proud of you, I hear you, thank you, I’m sorry.
Take a moment to imagine a younger version of yourself and reassure them with phrases such as “I’m here for you” or “you’re safe with me”. It might seem a bit silly at first but these words can bring you a lot of comfort and peace.
Look at pictures of yourself as a child and tell him/her everything they needed to hear then. Allow them (and you) to receive it now.
Think and write about what you loved doing when you were a child and make time to actually do those things now. For example: were amusement parks your thing? Then plan a trip and lean into the silliness of it all. And if you spent hours doing arts and crafts or playing with Lego: why not wander into the toy aisle and see what you come away with. Or maybe you get a rush of pure joy when you go rollerblading or play a game like tag or hide-and-seek or when you chase your friends through the garden with a water gun? Watching movies or television shows from your childhood and rereading some of your favorite books can also be a helpful way to stir up positive feelings. Or make yourself some pancakes for breakfast ;-)
Validate the pain that has come from not having your needs met as a child. Assure your younger self that while you may have been in situations that weren’t safe then, you’re now a competent adult who will keep that child part safe at all costs.
Nurture your younger self: grant yourself patience when you notice you’re being triggered and getting flooded with negative emotions.
©HolisticHappiness2023
Comments